12 Characteristics of Revolutionary

Dear reader, I’d like to share with you what I have learned as I came back from Singapore when I attended G12 International Conference.
At one session, Pastor Richard Withman shared about how to be a revolutionary people. These messages have been blessing my life and so much encouraging me. In this world we can find some people that we can acclaim as a revolutionary. Let say Mahatma Gandhi, Alexander the Great, Mother Theresia, Soekarno, Barrack Obama, Mahatma Gandhi, and even Jesus. Those extraordinary people have 12 characters in common.
Now, I will elaborate this to you start from the smallest character up to the biggest character that impacting the world.

12. Creative
A revolutionary is a creative person. They could find different and unique yet efficient approach to solve many problems. Sometimes they might create a new idea or method to maintain the welfare. Being creative also means doing something not in a monotonous way. So be creative if you want to be a revolutionary.

11. against status quo
Well, what does it mean with status quo? According to the dictionary, status quo refers to the existing condition or state of affairs. A revolutionary is someone who doesn’t concern about his/her status quo in order to work for something good. Let me tell you something. One of Indonesian national hero is R. A. Kartini. She came from noble family in 1800’s and got educated because of hers social class. But she didn’t stop at there. With her experience and education she wanted to make a breakthrough that all Indonesian girls could be able attend school. At that time girls were not allowed to go to school or if she could only until certain higher level. Kartini along with her dreams and supporter fought against tradition, custom, and her status quo in effort that all Indonesian women could go to school and be well educated. So if you want to be a revolutionary don’t stay at your comfort zone and have a mindset that all the title embedded with you will not prohibit you to be ‘different’ in a good way. Even Jesus according to the Bible is a Son of God and King, yet He humbled Himself to serve His disciple and laid down His life to save us as believer. No wonder He is the most influencing person in this planet earth and until now He has the biggest followers ever.

10. Irrelevant to the system.
What am I going to talk about being irrelevant with the system is be dare enough to make your own way in legal term. I know many of you guys hate the system or rule. It is not always bad to break the rule as long as you understand the result and pay off of being breaking the rule or system. Always remember love your neighbors like you love yourself. Do anything but do not harm any people. Go far for your dream.

9. Float, not perfect.
Nobody’s perfect and everybody knows that. Since we know that there are many uncertainties in the world, it is always important to equip our plan, idea, or even our self with plan B. Back up is very important. How we could get a backup plan? Learn from experience. It could be yours as well as others. Beside, always ask the suggestion of the expert or older people. The proverbs teach us to have counsel from many people to help us to achieve our goal. But it is very important to know which suggestion or counsel is worthy to listen to. That’s why we should learn and learn to achieve perfectness.

8. They turn to their follower. What going to happen if a leader didn’t listen to their followers? Their followers would leave them, right? A revolutionary always has followers behind them. If none, then he’s not a revolutionary. In order to take care about the followers, a revolutionary should turn to them and talk about their needs. Why Mother Theresa was being famous and has many followers? because she didn’t care about herself solely, but pay extra attention to others. A revolutionary is not a selfish person. They impact others by listening and turning to others need. And remember no one become number one without contribution of others. It is important to have empathy for others. Instead of love, it is empathy that would help us to turn to other.

7. Be an Expert.
A revolutionary is well known with his/her ability. Barrack Obama is well known with his charisma in politic, Lady Gaga well known with her unique music style, or Mariah Carey with her 7-octave voice. They become history maker with their skill. How could we become an expert? It is always good to know what is your interest or talents, because interest and talents work simultaneously. We can find out them by doing some character assessment, hang out with many different people from different profession, or do many activities to find out what is your interest. If you already know what is your talent, work for it! Develop your skill and be an expert in it. Do not afraid of how to make money from your interest. Many people succeed in their career because they seek excellently in their interest and money just follows them all the way.

6. Being Hated.
Hmm.. I know this sounds NOT GOOD for many of you. But it is true, a revolutionary is always being hated by others because they against the status quo, walking in irrelevant system, creative, or even perfectionist. Many people hated Adolf Hitler for being so cruel to the Jews, yet he is a revolutionary. Same thing happens to Mahatma Gandhi. British colonial hated him because his way led Indian people against colonial but in passive way. So, stand strong in your faith, integrity, and seek excellently in whatever you do. Do not worry, thou some people hate you, there’s always be at least someone who cares about you. Always keep this in mind and do not be discouraged if someday people start to hate you. This is a step of being revolutionary.

5. Risk Taker.
Low risk, low profit. High risk, high profit.
A revolutionary dares to take high risk. It shows the world that they are men of courage and leaders. Napoleon Bonaparte took a risk in many battles and he won it. He became a great hero in French and world history. Do not afraid to take a risk. It might be “scary” but if you win it you’ll get something benefits you. But if you fail, don’t be discourage but remember there’s always be something to learn that would benefit you or others someday.

4. Passionate
Wow, passionate is the greatest motivation that brings people to achieve their dreams. Without passionate anything you do would remain in plain or vain. That’s not good, eh?
To be a revolutionary man you should have passion in live and to achieve your dreams. Passion is such a fuel for your inner motor, a battery for your body, or even energy for you to run and fly. Passion can be found from people around you, the one you loved, or your idol like your favorite politician, actress, athlete, or any figure you admire. So, be passionate. Passion will drive you to be creative and pursue excellently in your work.

3. Focus.. Focus.. Focus..
There’s power of being focused. Imagine you are holding a needle that usually used to sew. The needle has two edges. One edge is blunt and the other is sharp. The blunt edge could not used to make a small hole for sewing but the sharp point could in fact these two edges come from one needle made from same material. Why? because the sharp edge is focused. Let say that your cloth is the problem and the needle is you, if you are not focused, you could not break the cloth, but if you are focused, no matter how thick the cloth would be, it is possible for you to make a hole on it or in other word is a breakthrough. Interesting, huh?
So, do not mesmerized your live with too-many- activities. Be wise to eliminate some unproductive activities and focused on certain areas.

2. Determined
Maybe you have tried all those methods to be a revolutionary or to achieve your dream. Do not give up. Keep doing the right thing until something happened and you see the result. Be a persistent. Don’t be a hit-and-run person, but keep learning and learning. And do not be discouraged. When you are tired, it’s allowed to take a break and recharge your battery. Did you know that resting is a part of productivity? Maintaining healthy life is a part of being determined. In healthy body there’s a healthy soul and spirit. How could you become passionate if your body is tired?.
So, keep in mind to stay focused and be persistent. Do not give up. You always have capability to tackle all your problems and discouraging environment. Remember what Apostle Paul said “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

And now, the top character is...
1. Committed.
Stick and be faithful to your dream and focus. Give up everything that might not enable you to seek your dream and goal in life.
Though you are facing hard time, do not give it all away. No one could succeed in life without being committed. A revolutionary like Steve Jobs is so much dedicated with Apple. Or the extreme one is Hachiko, a Japanese dog. How he was being so much committed to his master touch many people in Japan and all over the world.
Same thing happened with Jesus. For He is so committed to His Father that He could bear all of or sin, died on the cross and rose again at the three days.

Well reader, I hope you understand what I’m trying to elaborate to you. This message has been a blessing for me and burning in my heart to pursue my dream and God’s vision in me. I want to share the blessing for you so you would be blessed to.

Love,
xoxo

Book Of Eli: Refleksi Perjuangan Iman

Teman gw cerita kalo film ini mirip-mirip film "I am Legend" yang tentang seseorang fighting banget buat survive. Cuma agak beda dikit. Masalahnya, dia ga tau bedanya dimana.

Gw langsung browsing sebelum memutuskan untuk nonton film ini. Pas gw-gw cari sinopsinya gw jadi tertarik nontonnya. Ditambah lagi katanya teman gw seseorang teman kami udah nonton and bilang ni film bgus gtu,

Akhirnya gw dan 3 teman gw nonton ni movie..

Di awal-awal ceritanya gag jelas gtu.. dan banyak adegan kekerasannya. Bahkan gw ga sanggup ngeliatnya.
Ceritanya tentang seseorang yang gw belum tau namanya siapa. Keknya dia desperate banget hidupnya. Dia tinggal di Amerika yang digambarkan geeeerrrrsaaaang banget. Banyak gambar mayat bergelimpangan dan hewan-hewan kurus kering gtu.
Orang ini benar-benar ga punya makanan dan air. Gila ga? buat makan aja dia harus hunting dulu dan yang dimakan itu kae kucing liar atau burung gtu. Bajunya kumal banget dan mandi aja susah. Gimana engga, air sulit banget.

Ternyata 30 tahun yang lalu di dunia ini terjadi perang dahsyat dan sebagian besar orang mati. Hanya sedikit yang survive. Si orang ini termasuk salah satu yang beruntung dan selamat.

Orang ini ga punya apa-apa kecuali sebuah buku yang ia baca setiap hari dan iPod yang udah butut gtu. Setiap hari dia berjalan ke barat karena itu adalah sebuah instruksi yang ia dengar didalam hatinya.

Dalam perjalanannya, ia melewati dan sempat singgah sebuah kota yang memiliki peradaban. Kota tersebut dipimpin oleh seseorang yang ambisius. Ternyata orang ini sudah lama mencari sebuah buku dan anak buahnya ga mampu mendapatkannya. At the end, ia tau kalo buku yang udah lama ia cari itu adalah buku yang dibawa-bawa oleh orang ini.

Nah, si pemimpin yang licik ini ingin memiliki buku tersebut, lalu ia menawarkan fasilitas yang nyaman sekali bagi si orang ini agar ia memberikan buku tersebut padanya. FYI, pemimpin ini memiliki sumber air pribadi looh..
Tapi orang ini kekeuh ga mau ngasih buku tersebut ke orang lain termasuk si pemimpin ini. Pemimpin ini pun kesal sehingga ia memburu orang ini. Not to mention, terjadi perkelahian sengit dan memakan banyak korban.

Bukunya apa sih?? koq segitu diperebutkannya?
Pemimpin kota itu mengatakan kalo buku itu adalah buku yang mampu mengajarkan manusia apa arti hidup ini. memberikan jawaban atas semua permasalahan manusia, dan memberikan kekuatan bagi siapa saja yang membacanya.
Pemimpin itu butuh buku itu untuk memimpin kota yang ia punya itu agar lebih makmur dan beradab.
Tetapi si Orang ini ga ijinin buku ini dipegang siapapun karena ia memiliki suatu visi yang harus ia selesaikan, yaitu buku tersebut harus ia antar kepada orang yang tepat.

Orang ini tidak tau harus kemana namun ia berkata kalau di buku itu tertulis agar ia berjalan dengan iman bukan dengan penglihatan "walk thru faith and not by sight."

Well, buku yang diperebutkan itu adalah Alkitab. Ternyata pada saat perang Alkitab ini dimusnahkan dari muka bumi dan hanya tersisa satu saja yakni yang dimiliki si orang ini.

Hei, gw ga akan ceritain semua isi filmnya. Ntar jadi spoiler. Ga asik donk


Pesen yang pengen gw sampein dari film ini adalah kita sebagai orang beriman
1. harus hidup membaca firman Tuhan setiap hari. Di film ini diceritakan bahwa Orang ini membaca buku tersebut setiap hari selama 30 tahun. 30 tahun loh teman. ga bosan-bosan ya?
iya soalnya kata orang ini buku itu memberikan ia kekuatan.
Bener loh, kalo kita lemah, kita harus baca Firman karena Firman Tuhan itu adalah makanan bagi rohani kita. Jangan selalu fokus dengan kesehatan fisik kita, jiwa dan roh kita juga perlu dikasih makan loh.

2. berjaga-jaga..
Orang ini menghadapi medan yang sangat berat. Ga jarang nyawanya terancam karena orang-orang yang selamat itu ternyata hidupnya barbar dan liar. Mereka ga segan-segan merampok dan membunuh. Namun si Orang ini selalu awas dengan senjatanya Walaupun ia tertidur ia tetap awas.
Yesus mengajarkan kita untuk berdoa dan berjaga-jaga sebab musuh kita bagaikan singa mengaum-ngaum selalu siap untuk menerkam kita. Kita harus selalu mengenakan senjata Allah sebab perlawanan kita bukan darah dan daging tetapi roh-roh jahat diudara, penguasa langit.
Di film ini digambarkan kalau adegan-adegannya sangat sadis. Tapi itu benar, di alam roh, peperangan sengit sedang terjadi. Memang darah tidak tertumpah, tetapi roh kita mengalami peperangan.
Buat kamu yang tertarik tentang dunia roh gw saranin baca buku Daud Toni seri dunia roh.
Lengkap dah diceritakan..

3. Pertahankan imanmu, jangan tergoda dengan godaan setan..
Di film ini, orang ini sempat digoda dengan wanita cantik, fasilitas, dan kenikmatan. Intinya kesenangan deeh demi buku yang ia pegang. Tetapi ia tidak tertarik, baginya buku tersebut sangat beharga daripada apapun sehingga nyawanya pun ia relakan demi buku itu.
Buku itu merepresentasikan iman kita
Sering sekali di dunia ini, demi posisi, kedudukan, pasangan hidup, prestasi, dan apapun kita menukar iman kita. Sayang sekali...
Bukankah Yesus itu lebih dari cukup bagi kita? Ia sudah merelakan nyawaNya bagi kita dan Ia juga merancang masa depan yang penuh pengharapan bagi kita. Masakan kita mau mengkhianatiNya? cukuplah Judas melakukannya.
Alkitab juga mengatakan barang siapa yang mengasihi nyawanya ia akan kehilangan nyawanya. Barang siapa tidak menyayangkan nyawanya ia akan mendapatkannya.
Eh beneran looh..
Mungkin kita ga mengorbankan iman kita, tetapi integritas kita sebagai orang beriman. Dalam hal-hal kecil kita sering kecolongan juga loh..
gw juga sih. So, yuk kita tobat bareng-bareng..

Well,
mungkin ini aja yg bisa gw bagi.. gw harap lu pada nonton filmnya dan nangkep apa sih pesan dibalik film ini.
Gw yakin kalo Tuhan pakai Hollywood untuk menjangkau umatNya. Tau ga sih kalo sekarang ini udah akhir jaman. Setan itu gencar-gencarnnya cari teman buat nemenin dia di neraka ntar. Korban utamanya ya kita, orang percaya dan beriman.
Makanya hati-hati..

Intinya film ini recommended banget.

two thumbs up!!

bless ya..
xoxo

Happy Easter everyone!

Hi readers,

Juts wanna greet you Happy Easter.
Umm.. What did you guys have for this easter day?
Mine? i went to the church with my family. That's all..
but personally I learnt a new insight about easter.

What I learnt that celebrating easter day not with feast, but with repentence, because that's delightful for God.

Oya, I sent many sms to greet my friend about easter day. And I sent to one of my non christian friend.

"I am sorry, I am not celebrating it. We have different god and different religion."
"oh I am sorry.. we might have different religion, but we have one God. Even Pancasila admitts it.."
"Who is thiiis???"

I dont reply anymore.. I dont wanna arguing about God.

Let's Play Our Role!

Recently, I have been enjoying my morning devotional time since I started it with a commitment. What I always do is wake up around 6-7 am in the morning and have an intercession prayer plus bible reading. In addition, I read "Purpose driven life" by Rick Warren to make my devotional time 'more devoted'.

I know many of you guys had read the book few years ago and I had had it since 2007 or something? I just had no idea why should I read that book so I didn't read. But a week ago, I was thinking about that book as I saw it was in my bookshelf. Interesting, so I decided to read it.

A week goes by and I realized that the book is written in simple words easily understood by everyone. And how Warren elaborated his idea is creative yet meaningful. I have been convicted that the we are here for a purpose. God created us for a purpose and destiny. It is our task to find it out because mine and yours would be very different. But above all, our destiny and purpose should glorify our makers, its not merely for own personal sake.

Talking about purpose, I'd like to define it as 'what are our roles in this world and how we act according to it.'

I remember 2 years ago, I was in Singapore attending FCBC-GCYC (Faith Community Baptist Church - Gateway City Youth Convention) where youth from 12 countries gathered together to have this convention. There we worship, learned, and shared together. The main purpose is how we will be the light to our nation, to be a solution.

During the convention, I remember one of the speaker said this in his speech
"A nation needs you to be the light for the problems it has right now. And there are five most influencing professions that determine the nation. They are Priest, Businessmen, Politician, Education Practitioner, and Entertainer"

I was strongly convicted. I never realized it before how those professions took part in changing a nation destiny.
Now I'd like to describe those

1. Priest
Priest here is mentioned as pastor, evangelist, missionary, and whoever work in religion area. In Indonesia, we can see that how Priest affect Indonesian directly and indirectly. Let say, MUI, without its permission giving "Halal" mark on a food, that's food is almost impossible to be a mass consumption.
Priest have been an answer to a nation, especially for drug users, hopeless (HIV infected person, deathly disease victims, catastrophic victims), orphanage, and many more. Usually these kind of people are being taken care of churches or mosque or religious organization.
Beside, their contribution has big impact toward individual or social cultures and norms. That's why we should appreciate those who involved in this area and encourage anyone who wants to involve in. Being a priest is a noble profession, regardless the income they would gain. Look at Mother Theresa, how her compassion touches Calcutta, India, and all over the world.

2. Businessmen (or in a market place)
Businessmen controls economic and monetary system of a nation. Their presences determines how a country will grow, how much investment will arise, how many unemployment will be hired. In one word, we can say that businessmen controls nation welfare, because they make money circulate and work in a nation.
Why do we need a believer to be a businessmen or being in a marketplace?
many people relating businessmen as a cheater or dirty job, but in other hand many people for them to find a job or a hand to lend them money. If businessmen are God's fearing people, imagine how many people would they influence? Let say a boss of a company who employs 4 employees? If he were a God fearing person and lead his company according to the Biblical values and norms, I believe this company would be an ethical company who consider to the wellness of its stakeholders (shareholders, employees, suppliers, consumers, society, government, and environment). At the other side, he would be able to show the love of Christ to his employee and by doing so there's a big chance for the employee (and other parties) to be SAVED. Isn't that amazing?
At the market place, we also need God's fearing professional who works ethically and avoids corruption. Believe it or not, latest global crisis happened because the professional involved in property and financial institution acted unethically. Little actions they did, without they realized it, brought world in big trouble.

3. Politician and Government Officers
I believe everyone knows that politicians play important role in a nation, especially when it deals with public interest. A wicked politician would kill a nation. Let say Hitler, he led Germany in world war 2 and put Jewish in a genocide where almost 6 millions jewish died at that time (imagine half Jakartans died being killed by one person and one of them is your love one). Also Pol Pot in Cambodia, how he killed many innocent cambodians. Nowadays. it might not happen anymore, where people are getting well educated. The 'war' could happen when a political party wanted to imposed ungodly paradigm (Pemberontakan G30SPKI), or they declared a law that prohibit us to worship God freely (like what was happened in Uni Soviet, and also Daniel's time).
That's why we need politician to sit sounding the voice of truth to protect, especially, us as believer and for this country sake. Because without God, our country would be perish.
For example, United States was head to head with Uni Soviet. They both were super power countries, but Uni Soviet was collapsed. United States believed in God, while Uni Soviet was a communism country.

4.Entertainer
I bet many of you are surprised to know how entertainer influenced a nation. Me either. But it is sooo true. Who didn't know Elvis Presley? Michael Jackson? Madonna? Agnes Monica? Tora Sudiro? Siti Nurhaliza? Miyabi? most of you guys know them, eh?
Everybody admires other in his heart. Like me, I do like Agnes Monica, so she becomes my inspiration. I update her news, I listen to her music, and many more I do about her.
Have you ever heard how many of MJ fans commited suicide to accompany their idol in 'another world'. Or how people dress up like Avril Lavigne, Elvis, or Mulan Jameela?
We can conclude that entertainer has big impact toward a nation, especially for young people.
A nation really really needs a God fearing entertainer to lead it to a right path of life. In Indonesia I do appreciate Ari Wibowo, a former action actor who repented and now serve The Lord and people with his popularity (in a good way tho), also Nafa Urbach, Ruth Sahanaya, Nikita, and others. They have been a very good role model to many people. To bring people to God, show people good example by not taking any drugs, living in free-sex life, and not being arrogant. How many of their fans live would be saved thru the popularity they have? A lot..


5. Education Practitioner
This part is played by teacher, lecturer, professor, and anyone who takes part in education institutional. School is a place where many people from toddler until adult study and learn. They learn many things from reading, writing, singing, and how to behave toward themselves and others. Many school operate inline with biblical norms and values. It encourages students to pray before and after the class, to forgive, to worship God, and to behave according to God's law. A believer teacher will lead student to understand that God does exist beyond all this knowledge. Especially when they deal with Darwins revolutions law, how our solar system started, and many scientific issues which lead students to questioning does God exist or not.
Even Einstein believed in God..

Those 5 professions have big impact toward a nation. Which one are you? Are you called to be a priest? businessmen? politician? education practitioner? or entertainer?
Whatever it is, play your role as good as you can do, as for God not for a man. Putting God first as our priority above our self-interest:money, pride, position, will glorify God in our life and would bring bigger impact toward our society.
We could have won many achievements, medals, and trophies, but we are still no one until we win soul(s) for Christ.

I have been talking and talking, now I want to hear from you, guys!!!

thanks for reading :)
Indonesian and Vietnamese delegations posed together during the convention.

A Place I Called "Home"

This is a story when I had my journey to Japan. It was so amazing and has changed my life. In this note, I have a tribute to my host family, Takizawa Hiroshi and wife for all the time, laugh, moments, and chance I had with them.

First off, I'd like to share little bit about my self. I was grown up in a family where my father was very busy traveling to many places to earn money for us and my mother quite busy to raise me and my brothers up. As the eldest in the family, I must be an example for my brothers and impossible to be spoiled. It made sense to me and don't mind about those. Quite often I spoil my brothers because I love them so much.
When I was getting older and older, I became very busy with my study and any extracurricular activities so I became very rare at home. But at that time my father became less busy. In my life I spent very little time with my father. Our quality time only at dinner table.
As a child, I always wanted to experience close relationship with my parents and being spoiled, just like many other children in this world. The situation was different. Even though, it made me a tough person.

First day
It was my very first day I arrived in Narita, Japan. I didn't know how did I feel. I thought I was dreaming. At the airport, I must find my host father and I kinda forgot his face since the last time we met was on 2003. But I easily got him because he held small banner where my name was written on it.
"Ohayo gozaimase, watashiwa Euthalia desu." said I while shaking his hand. He smiled at me and led me to the parking lot. On the way he asked to bring my luggage, but I said no. He insisted so I let it be.
He looked so old now with his 71 years old age. I was wondering how could he drove me home. Then we arrived in front of his car and I was surprised that he had a sport car. On the way to home, again I was so surprised that he drove like a young man. I didn't expect he could drive like that. I came to a conclusion, he is still very healthy. Thank God.The weather at that time around 7 C. For tropical people like me it's like entering a refrigerator but he got me a coat with cap and gloves.
Finally we arrived and from the house my host mother welcomed me and said that I was much taller and bigger and also resembled with my father. She's didn't look much older than last time we met. But to be honest this couple look very healthy and happy. Btw, this couple only had one mobile phone, simple one. Really, they maximized the function rather than the hedonism lifestyle.

At home, they prepared my room with futon, mattress,and heater together. Wow, I was amazed. Very rare happens in Indonesia where couple do things together. Most often the wife becomes a maid for her husband. Then we went out for shopping for our dinner. They really cooperative in determining what to buy and not. They also suggested me to have new pants and shoes. But again I refused it.
To be honest from my first day, I could see this couple were amazing couple. I could sense that they do love one and another and very happily live together. At night while dinner we talked quite a lot. I really enjoyed that house. The house was very warm, I didn't understand was it because the heater or their love. Btw, my host father told me that he had a daughter but she died when she was 20 years old. It was 23 years ago. I never knew that before.

Second day
I woke up that morning and still could believe that I was in Japan. I was ready for bathing and breakfast. My host mother already woke up and kinda busy in the kitchen. After bathing, we sat down together and had breakfast. My host father really was a good host. He even prepared my meal and made coffee for me. I did feel awkward because in Indonesia whenever I stayed in someone house, usually I'll prepare their meal. But it was different. That day we went to Kamakura, the ancient metropolis. It was wonderful place. There's a lot beautiful temples and shrines. I must admit it was amazing place.

Third until seventh days I had such great time in Japan, from Fujisawa to Shibuya, Harajuku to Akihabara, Hakone to Odawara, Yugawara to Chiba. Many trips were only me and my host father. We spent time together and I began to know him deeper. We shared about our lives, what had happened to both of us, our dreams, and our experienced.
There's lot of things that I found in my host father personality. He is humorist, caring, well managed, and simple. There were so many things that made me amazed of him.

When we walked down the street from or to railway station, he often offered himself to carry my coat, gloves, cap, and even my bag. In fact my bag is a girly bag.
He didn't mind to get my drink and remember what's my favorite.
He also asked me if I felt warm or cold, my shoes comfort or not, hungry or full, or if I want to go to toilet. He even wanted to know if I had enough money or not and gave me some money.

There were many moments that really unforgettable. Once we went to Tokyo and had one day tour. Because of the tight schedule so we must had lunch in the bus. So, from home my host mother prepared a bento for us. In the midst of the trip, we ate together from the same lunch box and enjoyed together. Really, for me that was a precious moment. I never had the same thing with my father. I didn't know why. Maybe it's because our indonesian culture, where father are very rare close to their daughter. While the trip, he explained to me about many historical things in Tokyo. I admit that he is a genius.

In other day, we went to Yokohama and again at this time our schedule also quite tight. We went to china town in Yokohama. To save the time, we bought 2 bakpaos from the hawker. We walked down and finally found rest in the open air area where many people sat and resting. He suggested to divide each bakpaos into 2, because one filled with meat and the other with bean so we could enjoy both tastes. We sat and enjoy our bakpaos together watching people had fun with their own things. It was awesome for me. Again, I never had such a experience like that. To tell you the truth, I never walked around some places just with my dad. But that time was very different. I did enjoy it in my self. Instead the beauty of Japan it self,I really enjoyed my fellowship with my host father where I could find my self as a child with her father. At that time, that was my last time walking around Japan with him because in the evening I would be picked up by Miyashita family, friends of my father. I was so sad when I must leave him,

Another day with Miyashita family. In the sense, this family had different typicality. However, my host parents still were the best. That night I was crying in my room before I went to sleep. I did miss my room and my host family. They were really nice to me. Usually every night, I said 'oyasumi nasaii' to my host parents and they would reply it.
Well, I also like whenever my host father smiled at me. Everytime I woke up from my nap, after bathing, after meal, and everywhere. There's something that I couldn't describe with any words about how I felt whenever I had fellowship with my host parents.
In the morning, very early, I went to Tokyo Disneyland with Miyashita family. The weather was cold and rainy, I got coat from them. But I didn't expect to be that cold. Time rolled by and I realized that my coats and shoes were wet. I felt so cold and wet. I missed my host father badly because when we together, he often asked about how did I fell. In my side, I didn't fell hesitant to tell him about my feeling. I didn't enjoy Tokyo Disneyland that much instead of many attraction were in Japanese.
At the evening, I was sent to Zengyo station where my host father would pick me up. Really.. I couldn't wait to met him. Finally we arrived and my host father came with my host brother. I was so happy.
Inside the car, they asked me how was the trip. I told them how I felt including my wet shoes.
So we arrived at home and my host father suggested me to pack my stuff and take a bath that night because the day after that would be my flight to leave Japan. I finally told to my host father that I felt like at home not in foreign country and have a family here. He was quite and still for awhile then he said "in the sense, you have lived our late daughter". Oh gosh, I didn't know what to say. I was so shock. I never knew that he had that chemistry. For me he's like m father. And for him, I was a daughter.

I did what he told me and I took a bath that night. I was so silly, but while bathing I couldn't resist my tears. I didn't know why but I felt like I didn't wanna leave this family. I already found what I had sought; a family, a home, and love in this house .
After I took a bath, I went out and again, I was so surprised I found my wet shoes in front of the heater. I asked him what's happened and why. He just smiled at me and said it was okay to make my shoes dry. I was so touch. I never threatened like that before. Suddenly I remember when I was in school. I often caught in the rain and wet from my bag until my shoes. My parents didn't realized that much and they never dried my wet stuff. Well for me it wasn't a big deal. I knew my parents still love me so much. But this was very different. I couldn't believe what I saw and my feeling was so mixed. How could someone like my host father, who ever being in the highest rank of position in one of the biggest japanese automotive company, had initiative to dry shoes. Shoes, a symbol of humility. I didn't know what make him do so but caring and compassion driven by love.
Then he poke my back softly when I said 'oyasumii nasai'. I saw him smiling at me. I was trying to figure what did his eyes and smile say out. It could be he's gonna miss me or just wishing me a good sleep. I didn't know. only God and him knew.

At night, my last night in Japan.
Again, I didn't know how long I had been crying. But my heart felt very sad to leave my host parents. My heart had been drawn to them. I even thought that I must came back to this country, even just to take care them at their old days.


In the morning, I woke up and wondering how could I hide this feeling from them.
My host mother reminded me to wake up, otherwise I could be late for train. Then I got my self ready and cleaned the room as much as I could. I folded the mattress with the futon also. Then after I was done, I went down and had my last breakfast with them. Like usual, my host father prepared me a cup of coffee.
We had breakfast together. After the meal, I still had sometime then I played the piano in the house. I really enjoyed it. Then we went to train station. My host mother drove us to there. From station, we took train to Narita.
In the station while waiting I sat and trying hard to keep my feeling while my host father listening to the music through his pocket radio. I still tried to keep my tears and suddenly my host father put one of the earphone to my ear so we could enjoy the music together. Oh gosh, I was so shock yet so amazed. Really, I felt that my feeling to him that I had my own father. I believe if I were just a guest for him, he wouldn't do that to me.

Finally the train came and we got in. We sat together at the same row. We still talked lot. How his opinion about my stay in his house. He also told me that his wife really enjoy during my stay. He even said that she would came to visit me if I could work in certain countries. That's really motivating me to achieve that. Once he also told me that he wanted to see me to be someone in the future. Along our journey to Narita, we talked about many things. Even things that I never expected before. He was asking about my boyfriend and we laughed together because I said I was a single.

We arrived at Narita and he were with me untill I was about to get in to the waiting room where only passenger only could get in. He helped me to carry my luggage and check in. Then we sat together inside the airport. He told me that he had traveled to many cities that's displayed in the board inside the airport. Then finally, we must said good bye. We stood, I bowed my head and said 'sayonara, till we meet again'. I also shook his hand. After that, he's gone walking slowly away from me. I only could see his back and I didn't realize that tears were dropping by from my eyes. I felt my eyes so hot, my checked, and my back. I cried and I enter the waiting room.

So, I was in the plane. Seven hours flight from Narita to Kuala Lumpur. I couldn't handle my self. I cried and cried. I didn;t know how many tissues I had spent. I didn't care about another passenger around me and also the flight attendant. I only wanted to cry, to pour up my feelings. That was the longest time I could cry. I knew I was so silly, baka.

I missed them.. I really wanted to be with my host parents. I knew, there where my heart was, and is, and maybe will be.

Arrival at Kuala Lumpur..
I met my father in KL and I shared all my journey in Japan. I thought I must told all the goodness of my house parents. I guess he realized that I already stuck with my host parents.

Now, I came with the conclusion. My host father had tough me many things. From simplicity to humility, from caring to friendliness. He had been an inspiration and motivator for me. I pray that God will grant them with health more than wealth, with strength and joy, happiness and everlasting love.
In this case, I know I have my own parents. However I still love and will be love them always.
This is my life and my experience that something couldn't be bought with money.

I wish, whoever read this note could feel how I felt in the journey and it could inspire them.

Never Hold A Grudge

This is a true story which has touched many readers. As it is quite a long story, reserve it (if you haven't got the time) and read it only when you are in a more relaxed mood.

In either case, do make it a point to savour everyline until the end. This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted.

Please, read this story until the end.. It is such an eye opener.
You never Know.........!

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.
Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.
You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.
Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.
As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.
Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.
I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment:
"I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for?
You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs.
I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.
Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.
Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.
In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife?
At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.
She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional
work for me
For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.
Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.
I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me....
I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once?
We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.
At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.
To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:
"LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.
After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?"
I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.
I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not.
I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out..
Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes...
I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.
Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.
I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?
For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life..
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor."
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.
Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there.
It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.
He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.
I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.
At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy.
What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.
Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.
I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.
I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.
He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.
Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.
What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters.
I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.
I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird
look and said:
"Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock.
I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away.
Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.
My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.
I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.

That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.
As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....
In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him.
And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe.
I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.
I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later.
The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other.
I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.
After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.
I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.
The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.
He stared back at me,challenging me.
I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.
I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that.
Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.
I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.

My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not..
I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.
The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke.
On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper.
I know what it is all about without even looking at it.
In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.
I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."
He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine..
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry...." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.
I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."
He did not go.
In the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.
In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me.
I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.
In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart.
For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.
He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.

At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.
This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.
He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.
Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.
I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of Spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.

He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.
Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:
In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.
I reached out and touched his hand.. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.
I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...
I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.
I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
"Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and
I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now...
I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be..
But daddy now no longer has that chance.
Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.
To be honest, daddy is very happy.
Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most....
" From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby....
My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...
These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.
I brought our son over and place him beside him.
I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.
Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.....
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...
"Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family.

Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."........
This is a true story.

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO GRUDGES. I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger!

Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.....This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift.
Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge.
In life, offenses are inevitable.
But holding a grudge is a choice we consciously make. Learn to LET GO....
To forgive others is to forgive YOURSELF. No one's perfect.
Communication is the key. It is never toooooo late to be friends.....
Life is really too short to be sad always.